A Father Works with His Son on Anger


An Article by Ed Miller.

Have you ever thought, “There has to be a different way to work with my kids?” Do you find yourself reacting to their annoying and challenging behavior with frustration and anger? And of course, this triggers an angry response from them. The result is a vicious negative cycle that damages relationship. You’re not alone! In our last post, Scott shared some ideas with you about anger. Here are some additional thoughts on how to work with anger in your kids.

I've wrestled with anger for the past 30 years. I've really worked on this one. It seems to come up again on a regular basis. Like me, you may need to start by developing your own anger plan. Then, you can help your children. I'm going to focus mostly on helping your children here, but you can apply these things to your own life as well.


May is Parent Appreciation Month!


You can use a proactive strategy that focuses on training your child’s heart, molding character and even strengthening relationships. Anger really damages relationships. This requires an intentional change of approach. Rather than micro-managing your child, you need to begin to transfer more responsibility for growth to your child. You can then become more of a coach and advisor. This helps diminish the anger issues. 

We spend a lot of our time and energy trying to fix problems and correct behavior. It's easy to get stuck in that rut and become very negative and frustrated as a parent. Children today have more problems than at any time in history for many reasons. (That's also a subject for another article!) That means that parents are often bombarded with challenging behavior caused by weak character, ADHD, OCD, Autism Spectrum issues, diet, and on and on. 

So what's a parent to do? Take a more positive approach. 

Here are 3 steps to take.
  1. Identify the most challenging problem you're having with one of your children. 
  2. Identify a character quality that would help counteract that negative behavior. 
  3. Set up a meeting with your child and "cast vision" for that character quality. Consider what that "desired future" looks like for your child. What kind of adult do you hope for them to become? Paint a picture for them.

How Do You Do This?
At this point, parents often ask me for more help with "how" to do this. Well, your wish is my command. I've made a series of videos with a young 
with a young man who is playing the role of my son. We'll call him "Joe" and we've decided to work on his anger problem. 

In this first video I'll be "casting vision" with Joe for the character quality of "self-control."  The main Bible verse that I'll use with Joe is the Proverb in this graphic above. As you consider how to cast vision, think about painting a picture of a desired future where this character quality is strong in your child.  Here's the video.



Click Here to Watch the Video on Facebook

In the 2nd video I'll be working with Joe to identify the cues that he's about to become angry. If you can catch the early cues, you can use a number of strategies and techniques to slow the emotional build. I'm trying to give him the tools he needs to take responsibility for his own growth and development as a man of God.  Here's the 2nd video.




Click Here to Watch This Video on Facebook


In the 3rd video I work Joe to develop his personal plan for growing in "self-control." He and I will both add suggestions for actions or strategies he can employ to slow the anger build and then use his mind in conjunction with the Holy Spirit to determine how best to respond and act. Emotions can be very powerful and they easily take control of us and override our rational processes. We have to slow the build enough to be able to think and plan to do the right and loving thing. Ultimately he chooses the components of "Joe's Plan" and I determine to assist, encourage and cheer him on. Now it's time to watch the 3rd video.

Click Here to Watch the Video on Facebook
Joe has been doing great in working his plan. The Proverb is all he really seems to need. He catches the anger coming on and remembers that he doesn't want to be a fool. He wants to be a wise man. He has a lot of self-control and he also believes very strongly in this Bible verse. "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me." There are other strategies that may be needed for some children. (And for some adults!) 

If you'd like more input on ways to slow the anger build, let me know in the comments. 


How Do You Slow Your Anger Build?

Leave a comment or a question.

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May is Parent Appreciation Month!

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