Parent the Heart: Part 6


A Father Works with His Son on Anger! 
My name is Ed Miller.
Have you ever thought, “There has to be a different way to work with my kids?” Do you find yourself reacting to their annoying and challenging behavior with frustration and anger? The result is a vicious negative cycle that damages relationship. You’re not alone!

I’m here to tell you that there is another way. You can use a proactive strategy that focuses on training your child’s heart and molding character and even strengthening relationships. This requires an intentional change of approach. Rather than micro-managing your child, you need to begin to transfer more responsibility for growth to your child. You can then become more of a coach and advisor.

We spend a lot of our time and energy trying to fix problems and correct behavior. It's easy to get stuck in that rut and become very negative and frustrated as a parent. Children today have more problems than at any time in history for many reasons. (That's also a subject for another article!) That means that parents are often bombarded with challenging behavior caused by weak character, ADHD, OCD, Autism Spectrum issues, diet, and on and on. 

So what's a parent to do?
  1. Identify the most challenging problem you're having with one of your children. 
  2. Identify a character quality that would help counteract that negative behavior. 
  3. Set up a meeting with your child and "cast vision" for that character quality. Consider what that "desired future" looks like for your child. What kind of adult do you hope for them to become? Paint a picture for them. 
At this point, parents often ask me for more help with "how" to do this. Well, your wish is my command. I've made a video 
with a young man who is playing the role of my son. We'll call him "Joe" and we've decided to work on his anger problem. (Note: This young man is working on this heart quality in real life. I'm his wrestling coach, so this is a real-life story. This is the first in a 3-part video series. Please pray for Joe!) 

In this first video I'll be "casting vision" with Joe for the character quality of "self-control."  The main Bible verse that I'll use with Joe is the Proverb in this graphic above. As you consider how to cast vision, think about painting a picture of a desired future where this character quality is strong in your child.  Here's the video.



Click Here to Watch the Video on Facebook

In the 2nd video I'll be working with Joe to identify the cues that he's about to become angry. If you can catch the early cues, you can use a number of strategies and techniques to slow the emotional build. I'm trying to give him the tools he needs to take responsibility for his own growth and development as a man of God.  Here's the 2nd video.



Click Here to Watch the Video on Facebook

In the 3rd video I work Joe to develop his personal plan for growing in "self-control." He and I will both add suggestions for actions or strategies he can employ to slow the anger build and then use his mind in conjunction with the Holy Spirit to determine how best to respond and act. Emotions can be very powerful and they easily take control of us and override our rational processes. We have to slow the build enough to be able to think and plan to do the right and loving thing. Ultimately he chooses the components of "Joe's Plan" and I determine to assist, encourage and cheer him on. Now it's time to watch the 3rd video.





Click Here to Watch the Video on Facebook
Joe has been doing great in working his plan. The Proverb is all he really seems to need. He catches the anger coming on and remembers that he doesn't want to be a fool. He wants to be a wise man. He has a lot of self-control and he also believes very strongly in this Bible verse. "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me." There are other strategies that may be needed for some children. (And for some adults!)  The responsibility for working the plan was on Joe's shoulders, but I've been there for him all along the way. (I just asked him this week how he was doing.)

Suggested Action: If you need more help in this area for your child, please consider working with one of our Biblical Parenting Coaches. Let us know if you want more information. 
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We have an Online Biblical Parenting Support Group starting on September 25, 2017. You get the same training you would with a personal coach, but for a reduced cost. You still get personalized input on the plan you're working on with your child. I'll be the coach for this group and I love to provide encouragement, wisdom and accountability to parents. I'd be happy to do a free consultation with you to recommend the best way for you to proceed. Email me at ed@biblicalparenting.org or call my cell 609-203-0672 for more information.

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