Parent the Heart - Part 2


Give Clear Instructions

Ed Miller, Biblical Parenting Coach
This is the second article in the series on heart-based parenting. These first few articles really build on each other so I hope you read Part 1. If not, you might want to start there. 



You should be getting the idea about the importance of the heart, but you still may be thinking, "How do I do this thing?" We've got a lot of great practical ideas and strategies that you can use in your home today! We like to start with the importance of "Giving Clear, Simple, Calm and Firm Instructions." Many parents get off track right here. In the course of daily life, things come up and we just react. If our child doesn't respond the way we hope they would, we get frustrated or angry and we may even blow up. We're trying to get something done and we're not getting a lot of cooperation, so we yell or react in some other way that may be harsh. We've produced a few videos that should help you understand this. See if you relate to the situation in this video. 



What does the Dad do wrong in this video? 

Have you ever found yourself in a situation like this? You're trying to finish up a conversation and get out the door with your kids. The kids aren't cooperating and you get angry and harsh. (I know, the example in the video is on the low end of harshness!!!) This may have been the way things were done in your family of origin so that's what you've learned to do. Some parents and coaches have told me that being loud and harsh is the only way you get someone moving. I beg to differ. This is actually emotional manipulation. (That's what yelling is!) Using this approach does damage to the relationship and the heart of a child. A young man that I used to coach moved to another team where the coach was a "yeller." (He also used other forms of demeaning emotional manipulation.) He almost destroyed the love of the game for this young man. Fortunately he's on another team now where the approach is different. 

There is another way and it is effective.



We can focus on the heart and train any child (or adult, LOL!!) to respond to our words. It takes some work and you need to work on this when the demands of life are not pressing in on you. The character quality is "responsiveness to authority" or "cooperation." If you put the focus on growing this character quality and connecting with the heart of your child, they will learn to respond to your words alone because it's the right thing to do. I know what you're thinking! There's no way that's going to work with my kid! I challenge you to give this a try. When we work with parents in our Biblical Parenting Coaching Program, this is where we start with every parent and child. We see miraculous changes in children when we use The Instruction Routine

The Instruction Routine has 5 steps. They're each important so don't skip any of them.  Each step has a part for the parent and a part for the child. You'll want to have a meeting with your child/children and share with them that you're going to be working on developing the character quality of "cooperation." (You can also use "responsiveness to authority.") Take one Step at a time and explain your part and their part. Let's look at Step 1. 

Step 1 - Parent: Get Close to Your Child 
Step 1 - Child: Learn to Come When Called 

Getting close to a child and giving a simple, clear and calm instruction builds your relationship on a heart level. It shows value to the child. When a child learns to "come when called," they are demonstrating a heart that's "responsive to authority." This character quality will be invaluable to a child as they go through life. They'll be able to work well with, teachers, employers, civil authorities and with God. They'll be able to trust God and His Word because they've learned to trust you. Here's another video where this is done well. 



I've written a Blog article on each of the other steps in the Instruction Routine. Each one contains videos like those you've already watched that you'll find helpful. You can start by learning more about Step One. 



Each blog article will refer you to the next step at the end of the article. I hope you enjoy reading and watch the videos in the whole series. 



You may also want to consider more training on how to be an effective coach with your children. We have a new Online Parenting Support Group starting on September 25 and we'd love to work with you for 8 weeks this fall. This is the least expensive way to get Biblical Parenting Coaching. You'll get some great training via our Content Portal; support and input from Ed Miller and assignments to complete. You'll also get personalized input on the plan you're working on with your child. This is the best "coaching training" available to parents.  Click Here to learn more. You can also call our office at any time if you have questions. 609-771-8002. Use the following code, BPCEM, in the final stage of the checkout process. That will take $50.00 off the price making your final cost just $199.00

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