Firmness vs. Harshness


Firmness vs. Harshness 
My name is Ed Miller.
We've just finished our second week in the Online Biblical Parenting Support Group. We learned about and practiced using "The Break" as a tool in our correction routine. Every parent needs a toolbag of possible consequences to draw upon when their children don't heed their instructions or get off track in some other way. "The Break" is one of the best tools I've ever used because God can really use it to change a child's heart. I'll tell you more about "The Break" in a few minutes. 

First, let's talk more about firmness and harshness. Many parents and coaches have told me that the only way to get someone moving is through yelling or some other form of discipline that's harsh. There's no evidence to back that up, but a lot of people believe it. Just ask someone who works in customer service in a retail store. They'll tell you how harsh and demanding people can be. They think this is the only way to get other people moving. Yes, this does get people moving, but more often than not, it also does serious damage to the relationship involved. Harshness usually demeans a person and does damage to their heart. When people are hurt like this, they lash out and hurt others.

Many parents also think we're making a case for "soft" parenting. That's not what we're talking about. A lack of discipline in the home will result in children who don't know how to handle the challenges of life when they become adults. There is a difference thought between firmness and harshness. Once we determine to use a consequence as part of a correction routine, we need to be firm. Choose your battles carefully and don't make a major issue out of everything. But once you decide that correction is important, stick with it. Follow through.

I've started a new series of videos to give you a glimpse of how this might look. I'm going to be pretty harsh with "John" in this video. (He's not going to be particularly kind or cooperative either!) My first goal in this video is to demonstrate what a harsh approach looks like. I'm going to apologize to John for my behavior and give myself "A Break." We're going to switch roles and John will talk me through the conclusion of the break. This is a bit of a twist. I hope you find it helpful. Next week, we'll continue this and you'll get to see me be firm with John, but not harsh. 

Click Here to Watch This Video on Facebook

What consequence works well in your correction routine? Share your thoughts in the comments below. We'd love to hear from you.

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Are you looking for some support and coaching in your role as a parent? We have coaches standing by who would love to work with you. Our rates are very reasonable.  You'll get some great training via our Content Portal; support and input from your very own coach and assignments to complete. You'll also get personalized input on the plan you're working on with your child.  Click Here to learn more. You can also call our office at any time if you have questions. 609-771-8002.

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Are you an senior adult looking for a way to invest your time, energy and experience? Just let me know and I'll help you get started. I'm also going to refer you to the Legacy Coalition: Grandparenting Matters. This ministry is just
exploding right now and grandparents are getting on board to be intentional in ministry to the next generation. The Second Annual Legacy Coalition Summit will be held at LakePointe Church in Rockwall, TX from September 2-4, 2017. I'll be there as one of the Workshop Speakers. My topic is The Grandparent Coach. Please join me! I'm working to build an army of senior adults who pour their lives into today's young people. 

"John" in the video above is one of the young men that I'm mentoring in real life. He's working for me this spring and summer doing odd jobs and some real construction work. I love mentoring/coaching him as we work together. 
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