Is My Child Defiant or Just Impulsive?

How can you tell the difference between defiance and impulsivity? Sometimes the line is fuzzy, but the biggest factor has to do with awareness. The child exhibiting annoying behavior is often not aware of what he’s doing or doesn’t have a good repertoire of socially appropriate behaviors. Some parents believe that because they said, “stop tapping” yesterday, today’s tapping must be defiance. This may not be the case. 

Training is the Key
Children often engage in impulsive or annoying behaviors and need some training to overcome these habits. Some children are just seeking attention; others have nervous habits like twirling hair or making various noises with their mouths. Still others are trying to engage in relationships but lack the social cues necessary to be successful.

Remember, annoying behaviors need to be handled differently than intentional disobedience and defiance. Annoying behaviors are best met with a retraining goal in mind. Raise your child’s level of awareness by gently pointing out the problem. Offer alternatives to teach him what he should do instead: “Tom, you need to stop. Your interruptions are unkind. Remember to look and listen before you start talking. Then you can say, ‘excuse me’ and show your self-control by waiting.” The key then is practice. In fact, sometimes parents set up practice sessions for kids to provide opportunities for retraining.

Affirm Progress
Also, don’t forget to affirm small steps of progress with praise to keep your kids moving in the right direction. Proverbs 16:21 says that “The wise in heart are called discerning, and pleasant words promote instruction.” Before reacting, take the time to discern whether your child’s behavior is the result of defiance or simple immaturity. It may take patience, but you can help your children make significant changes by offering positive instructions, gentle reminders, and lots of practice.

This parenting tip comes from the book Good and Angry: Exchanging Frustration for Character in You and Your Kids by Dr. Scott Turansky and Joanne Miller, RN, BSN.


We have a couple of different Giveaways going right now. Be sure to enter to win some great prizes and resources. This giveaway is resources for churches. We'll have more giveaways and free downloads next week during Launch Week.

Parent Training Center Giveaway for Churches

What is a Parent Training Center?
A Parent Training Center is a church that intentionally trains parents, providing resources and tools both for discipleship of believers and for evangelism to families in the community.
The National Center for Biblical Parenting offers resources, and practical support to help you become the Parent Training Center God designed. The Equipping Program contains a number of mobilization tools to help you advance to the next level in your parent discipleship ministry.

We Will Support Your Parent Discipleship Program?
With this program you'll interact with experts as well as other pastors and church leaders. Receive personalized guidance for your unique church situations. Use resources that will equip your parents to reach their children's hearts.

To introduce your church to the Parent Training Center concept, we are hosting an awesome giveaway that includes some of our best church and parent training resources, along with a $100 gift certificate to the National Center for Biblical Parenting store. Here's what your church could win: 

Parenting Is Heart Work DVD Church Kit ($199.95 value)

Equip parents to touch the hearts of their kids with this biblically-based, practical training program. Parents and teachers of children 2-18 years will benefit from this life-changing curriculum. The Parenting is Heart Work Church Kit includes: • Eight 35-minute video sessions • A Leader's Guide with reproducible pages for attendees • A copy of the 256 page book Parenting is Heart Work
The videos were filmed before a live audience of parents and children. Using drama, Bible stories, and lots of illustrations, Dr. Scott Turansky and Joanne Miller, RN, BSN will energize you and provide you with tools you need to strengthen your family. Use this eight-part video series in your church, small group, or even in your own family. Many times parents have to change the way they parent in order for children to change the way they live.

The Family Toolbox DVD Church Kit ($179.95 value)

The Family Toolbox has 8 lessons for parents, teens, or both in a small group setting. Each one has a 1-2 minute scene of a family living life and experiencing common challenges in their relationships. A discussion guide prompts dialogue among parents and a 10-minute teaching session featuring Dr. Scott Turansky and Joanne Miller, RN, BSN gives practical tools to use right away.
As the group works through the lessons parents learn:
• How to focus on the heart instead of just behavior • The cues you give that tell your children when you mean business • Practical ways to remove conflict from the problems of family life • How to end correction times with impact • A tool for maximizing heart change in the correction process • The value of teaching kids to accept no as an answer • Ways to reduce anger episodes in children
The Family Toolbox is designed for families with children ten years old and up and is an excellent resource for small groups. Each lesson can be done in 20-30 minutes, but could also lead to discussion and dialogue lasting an hour or more.

Coupon to purchase resources in the NCBP Store ($100 value)

To enter, please use the Rafflecopter below. a Rafflecopter giveaway Terms and Conditions: This giveaway is open to residents of the U. S. only.  Void where prohibited by law. Must be at least 18 years of age. This giveaway is in no away associated with Twitter, Facebook, Instagram, or Pinterest.. No purchase necessary for entry. Odds are determined by the number of entries. Selected winner will have 48 hours to respond to email notification to claim their prize or another winner will be drawn.  Entrants to this giveaway will be added to the email list for the National Center of Biblical Parenting.

Milan Tomic

Hi. I’m Designer of Blog Magic. I’m CEO/Founder of ThemeXpose. I’m Creative Art Director, Web Designer, UI/UX Designer, Interaction Designer, Industrial Designer, Web Developer, Business Enthusiast, StartUp Enthusiast, Speaker, Writer and Photographer. Inspired to make things looks better.

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