Punching a Pillow Isn't the Best

Today is the beginning of the Build Your Bundle (BYB) Sale. We're working with BYB to get some great parenting resources in your hands. We have a couple of eBooks in the Christ-Centered Mom Bundle. One of these is Home Improvement: The Parenting Book You Can Read to Your Kids. The content of this post is based on a chapter in this book. 

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An Article by Dr. Scott Turansky...

Alex was thirteen years old and had a problem managing his anger. He would sometimes put his fists up to his mom and say mean things. I worked with Alex for several weeks and his parents saw significant change in him.

Several key ingredients build a good anger management plan and the child benefits from being involved in developing it. Kids can learn to recognize the cues that indicate that anger is coming on and then learn to pull back instead of pull forward. Alex and I talked about strategies to address the extra energy that comes into the body when a person gets angry.

I like to tell kids that the energy coming into your body when you get angry needs to be managed or it will come out. Sometimes it comes out in your feet and you stomp off or kick something. Sometimes it comes out in your hands and you hit something or throw something. Sometimes it comes out in your eyes and you glare at someone or start crying. Other times it comes out of your mouth and you scream or say something unkind.  And sometimes it comes out in all those places and we call that a temper tantrum. The energy that comes from anger needs to be managed.

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I find that many parents make the mistake of giving their kids an anger management plan. They tell them to count to ten or take a deep breath. Although those ideas may be helpful for Mom or Dad, each person is different. Requiring a child to create a written plan is much more productive. If kids need ideas they can ask parents, teachers, grandparents, or friends, but only the things that they believe will work for them go on their specific plan.

Kids learn how to manage anger by the way they talk to themselves in their hearts and by the things they do in the moment. Those two words “think” and “do” become the two buckets of solutions in the plan because they help build the necessary character qualities needed to move forward under pressure. The patient person thinks and acts differently than the person who isn’t patient.

We define a character quality as a pattern of thinking and acting in response to a challenge. To develop character, kids need to learn how to think and act differently. And when children develop a plan, with their parents’ guidance, they can learn self-control, tolerance, and patience, one step at a time.

As Alex considered his plan he stopped abruptly, looked up at me and said, “I can’t do this.”

“What do you mean?”

“I need to get it out. I need to punch a pillow or scream. Then I can get it out.”

“So, what you’re saying is that you need to vent it?”


“There’s a verse in the Bible just for you. Let me share it with you.” This was a major turning point for Alex as he looked at Proverbs 29:11, “A fool gives full vent to his anger, but a wise man keeps himself under control.”

Alex started laughing. “Why are you laughing?” I said. He thought it was funny that the Bible was calling him a fool. So, I said, “If you like that verse, then look at the next chapter at 30:32, ““If you play the fool and exalt yourself, or if you plan evil, clap your hand over your mouth!” That will give you something to do with your hands when you’re tempted to lift your fists up to his mom.

Alex is doing much better now managing his anger. In fact, he’s been telling his friends that they need to manage their energy when they get angry. It’s fun to watch him share the things he’s learned with others. One of the light bulbs that needed to come on for Alex was the realization that punching a pillow wasn’t the best way to address his angry feelings. He needed to develop self-control.
  • What are your indicators that your anger is rising?

You can get learn more about this topic in Home Improvement: The Parenting Book You Can Read to Your Kids. Get this book and these other fine resources for your family by purchasing The Christ-Centered Mom Bundle for just $12.00. The retail value of the bundle is $143.89. Now that's a great deal.

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We'll be talking about other resources in this bundle in future posts.

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This is also "Launch Week" for our new title that syncs with Motivate Your Child.  This book can be read with Motivate Your Child, but it can also stand alone. It's a wonderful resource that was developed from Dr. Scott Turansky's parent coaching ministry. Motivate Your Child ACTION PLAN gives you step by step help to develop a tailored growth plan for each of your children. You'll receive instructions for leading weekly meetings with you child to discuss the plan and inspire growth. Thirty-minute audio presentations accompany each chapter to further develop the content and communicate it through a different learning channel. 

It's available for 25% off in our web store through the end of the month. And here's a BIG DEAL: If you purchase any of the eBook bundles in the Build Your Bundle Sale you will receive the Bundle of Bonuses Coupon Book. One of the deals is a coupon to get an additional $10.00 off the already discounted price of the MYC Action Plan in the NCBP web store. That brings the price down to just $19.95. This coupon works on the MYC/MYC Action Plan Combo. With this coupon, you can get both for just $26.99. Here's what you need to do:

  1. Purchase a bundle from Build Your Bundle.
  2. Download the Bundle of Bonuses Book and find the coupon code for the MYC Action Plan book.
  3. Purchase MYC Action Plan in the NCBP Web Store and use the coupon code at checkout.


Milan Tomic

Hi. I’m Designer of Blog Magic. I’m CEO/Founder of ThemeXpose. I’m Creative Art Director, Web Designer, UI/UX Designer, Interaction Designer, Industrial Designer, Web Developer, Business Enthusiast, StartUp Enthusiast, Speaker, Writer and Photographer. Inspired to make things looks better.

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