How Do You Handle Boys and Guns?

An Article by Ed Miller...

Joanne and I put a lot of thought and prayer into raising our boys to be men of good character. It is such a joy to see the fine young men that they have become. It certainly was a struggle at many points along the way, but it was worth it all the way through. 

One of the issues we wrestled with was how to deal with boys and guns. (or weapons, or fire, or you name it!) I've always believed that God created boys/men with a spirit of adventure and a drive to protect, defend and conquer. It's part of God's design. So, it's in their nature to seek out games and activities   that provide an outlet for these drives. Any game that allows them to do battle, wrestle, and compete attracts their interest. If there is no activity planned for them, they'll create one as an outlet to release this energy.

In Press Room at Yankee Stadium. Ask me about it.
At the same time, we wanted to protect them from the senseless violence that is so prevalent in our culture. We  wanted them to understand the difference between "fantasy violence" in games and movies and real violence that actually destroys and kills. Many children today don't have anyone to help them understand this difference so they don't understand that there are real consequences when violence and anger are unleashed on another person. 

When Dave and Tim were young, we kept all guns out of the house. This was actually very hard for me because I like guns and weapons. I've always enjoyed target shooting with guns, bow and arrow, darts, water guns, etc. I never wanted to kill anything, but I liked the challenge of hitting a target. I was also committed to fight against the violence in our culture, so I agreed to work hard on this. An amazing thing happened over those years. We discovered that the boys didn't actually need
Amanda, Dave and Tim Miller
guns to play "war games" or do target shooting. They used sticks, their fingers, stones, acorns and that was just fine with them. We also found ourselves constantly playing the role of a policeman in the lives of our boys and we didn't like that. 

So what's a parent of boys supposed to do with that?

As we have done in every aspect of our parenting, we decided to focus more on "training the heart" and less on adhering to rules. This is one of the basic tenants of our approach at The National Center for Biblical Parenting. We started to teach character qualities like love, respect and honor. The focus was on the right way to view people and how to interact well. There may be a time for protecting ourselves or our loved ones from dangerous people, but our main goal is to be like Jesus and "Love Our Enemies." 
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At about this time, Scott and Joanne were developing their "honor" material. We had the privilege of "field testing" the Kid's Honor Club. This was transformative for our whole family and that includes me. I had to learn to honor others and that included my children. Children are young people, made in God's image. They're not just "future" adults. Our children are also our brothers and sisters in Christ. A light went on for me when I came to understand this truth. We learned about honor together as a family. Both of my sons embody this character quality today. 

Let's get back to guns and boys for a minute. We stopped focusing on "no guns or weapons" and started focusing on understanding violence and relationships. It seems to have worked as neither of my boys is violent of aggressive as adults. They're kind, honoring and caring people.

What do you think about my solution?
Leave a comment for us.

Here's another interesting idea. I've discovered a wonderful set of resources through our involvement with the Build Your Bundle Sale. These resources teach children about history, chivalry, and honor while adding a large dose of fun. It's called Warfare By Duct Tape. It teaches kids how to build medieval armor and weapons and to do battle safely. People are raving about these books. 

Have you ordered your copy of Motivate Your Child ACTION PLAN? This book gives you step by step help to develop a tailored growth plan for each of your children. You'll receive instructions for leading weekly meetings with you child to discuss the plan and inspire growth. Thirty-minute audio presentations accompany each chapter to further develop the content and communicate it through a different learning channel. 

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This book is more than just a parenting book. It's a tool to use with your child. Each chapter is divided into two parts. The first part is a fiction story about a family who experiences problems and then learns a new tool. Read this section to your child. It presents family issues from the parent's perspective. Children are often blinded by their own viewpoint and seeing the problem from the parent's view is eye-opening. Furthermore, it opens opportunities to talk about ways your family relates and ways you can make changes.

In This Book You Will Learn:
  • Four truths that will motivate you to continue on when you're tired, discouraged, and ready to give up.
  • A powerful strategy to help children change their hearts--not just their actions.
  • A unique concept that will reveal the cues you give to tell your children when they must obey.
  • A six-step "Secret Weapon" you can use when all else seems to have failed and you need a bigger plan to help children develop character, not just change their behavior.
  • Three practical ways to be a coach to your children and help them learn from life.
  • One small ingredient to add to your parenting to help your children develop wisdom.
  • A three-step plan to help your children deal with anger through frustration management, anger control, rage reduction, and releasing bitterness.


Milan Tomic

Hi. I’m Designer of Blog Magic. I’m CEO/Founder of ThemeXpose. I’m Creative Art Director, Web Designer, UI/UX Designer, Interaction Designer, Industrial Designer, Web Developer, Business Enthusiast, StartUp Enthusiast, Speaker, Writer and Photographer. Inspired to make things looks better.

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  1. Raising children is a great challenge,and I have really yo continue learning about this topic. Great article.