We all wish our children would desire the right things in life and avoid tempting situations. Desires reside in the heart and can be good or bad. Psalm 37:4 tells us “Delight yourself in the Lord and he will give you the desires of your heart.” Knowing the difference between a healthy desire and a temptation, however, can be a challenge at times, especially for kids.
A great tool in this area is your own transparency. You encounter desires and temptations every day. By talking with your children about how you deal with those situations, you can provide your kids with examples that will help them learn what to do with their own desires and temptations.
Twelve-year-old Sean asked his mom why she didn’t get angry when she was cut off on the road, giving Mom a perfect opportunity to talk about how she lets it go so she doesn’t have to harbor the anger. Mom knew that Sean needed that message because he’d been treated unfairly at school and was tempted to act out his own anger. Sean listened and pondered what his mom said. Mom watched the wheels turn in his head and knew she had just connected somewhere deep inside her son.
Don’t miss the opportunities provided by day-to-day life to point out to your children appropriate ways to deal with desires. Explain to your kids why you pursue some desires and let others go, and help your children see how those principles apply to their own lives as well. Your transparency can be a valuable guide as your children wrestle with desires.
This parenting tip is from the book Parenting is Heart Work by Dr Scott Turansky and Joanne Miller, RN, BSN.
How have you addressed good and bad desires in your child's heart?
Thursday, December 29, 2011
Wednesday, December 21, 2011
Christmas: A Time to Practice Saying Thank You
Gratefulness is an important life quality because it helps us to be thankful for what we have instead of complaining about what we don't have. Gratefulness is a lifestyle but it starts by saying "Thank you" to others who bless us.
Begin now to prepare your children for receiving gifts. Talk about the importance of the giver, not just the gift. Teach children to look at the nametag first so they can be thinking of the person who gave the gift while they open it. Encourage children to express thanks to the giver, even if that person is not in the room at the time. A phone call to extended family or a thank you note to a distant friend can mean a lot.
Gift receiving sometimes provides that awkward moment when we want to ask, "What is this?" or discover that we already have one of these. Play a "What if" game with children to help them anticipate how they might say thank you in those times.
Opening gifts can happen fast and then children are off playing with new toys and games. Helping them to take time to express gratefulness can extend the true meaning of Christmas past the few hours of Christmas Day. And don't forget to take time to thank the Lord for his special gift in Jesus Christ for us.
Learn more about heart qualities like gratefulness in the book Parenting is Heart Work by Dr Scott Turansky and Joanne Miller, RN, BSN. How have you seen gratefulness develop in your child's heart?
Begin now to prepare your children for receiving gifts. Talk about the importance of the giver, not just the gift. Teach children to look at the nametag first so they can be thinking of the person who gave the gift while they open it. Encourage children to express thanks to the giver, even if that person is not in the room at the time. A phone call to extended family or a thank you note to a distant friend can mean a lot.
Gift receiving sometimes provides that awkward moment when we want to ask, "What is this?" or discover that we already have one of these. Play a "What if" game with children to help them anticipate how they might say thank you in those times.
Opening gifts can happen fast and then children are off playing with new toys and games. Helping them to take time to express gratefulness can extend the true meaning of Christmas past the few hours of Christmas Day. And don't forget to take time to thank the Lord for his special gift in Jesus Christ for us.
Learn more about heart qualities like gratefulness in the book Parenting is Heart Work by Dr Scott Turansky and Joanne Miller, RN, BSN. How have you seen gratefulness develop in your child's heart?
Wednesday, December 14, 2011
Retraining the Heart
It’s amazing how transparent children can be when you take time to actively hear what they have to say. After listening for a while, it’s often possible to identify some key thinking errors that perpetuate the child’s problems.
Take some time to study your children. What weaknesses do they have? What lies do they believe? What are some of the unproductive things they’re saying in their hearts? It can be helpful to simply make observations and write them down.
Ask yourself: What does he say when he’s arguing with me? What does she say when she’s angry? What does he mumble under his breath in his room or as he stomps down the hall? How does she report offenses to her friends? How does she rationalize and justify her mistakes? As you listen to your child talk, you’ll get a bigger picture of beliefs, values, and impressions that are guiding behavior.
Matthew 12:34 says, “out of the overflow of the heart the mouth speaks.” As you learn to listen to your child’s heart, identify target areas that you sense are a problem. Behavior indicates what’s happening inside, so when you see a particular weakness, jot it down on a piece of paper. You might list things like procrastination, pride, fear, gloom and doom, or lack of confidence.
You’ve probably known these character weaknesses were causing problems. By identifying the misconceptions at the root of the behavior, you’ll be ready to do some deeper work in your child’s heart. Once you identify a heart issue that concerns you, then you can develop a strategy or action plan to help your child grow.
This parenting tip come from the book Parenting is Heart Work by Dr Scott Turansky and Joanne Miller, RN, BSN.
How have you learned about what's in your child's heart?
Take some time to study your children. What weaknesses do they have? What lies do they believe? What are some of the unproductive things they’re saying in their hearts? It can be helpful to simply make observations and write them down.
Ask yourself: What does he say when he’s arguing with me? What does she say when she’s angry? What does he mumble under his breath in his room or as he stomps down the hall? How does she report offenses to her friends? How does she rationalize and justify her mistakes? As you listen to your child talk, you’ll get a bigger picture of beliefs, values, and impressions that are guiding behavior.
Matthew 12:34 says, “out of the overflow of the heart the mouth speaks.” As you learn to listen to your child’s heart, identify target areas that you sense are a problem. Behavior indicates what’s happening inside, so when you see a particular weakness, jot it down on a piece of paper. You might list things like procrastination, pride, fear, gloom and doom, or lack of confidence.
You’ve probably known these character weaknesses were causing problems. By identifying the misconceptions at the root of the behavior, you’ll be ready to do some deeper work in your child’s heart. Once you identify a heart issue that concerns you, then you can develop a strategy or action plan to help your child grow.
This parenting tip come from the book Parenting is Heart Work by Dr Scott Turansky and Joanne Miller, RN, BSN.
How have you learned about what's in your child's heart?
Thursday, December 8, 2011
Caring for Others
One of the great ways to help children think of giving instead of just getting at Christmas is to reach out to others you don't even know. This one activity can do a tremendous amount to help kids focus on others, not just themselves. Here are some ideas:
Pray for missionaries in other parts of the world. Create a care package for a family and mail it off in time to arrive by Christmas Day.
Get involved in your church's gift-giving program. Most churches provide ways to give tangible gifts to those in need. Ask around your community for organizations that are providing gifts for others.
Take some homemade food and crafts to a local rest home or senior citizen center. Sing songs and greet people. Tell them Merry Christmas. Before you go and when you're finished, talk to your kids about the people you are visiting. Sometimes caring for people can be a challenge and a blessing. Discussions help children understand it all in practical terms.
Make sure that children understand that Christmas is a time when we can share the love of Jesus with others. After all, that's what God did for us.
What have you done with your kids to emphasize the giving this Christmas season?
Pray for missionaries in other parts of the world. Create a care package for a family and mail it off in time to arrive by Christmas Day.
Get involved in your church's gift-giving program. Most churches provide ways to give tangible gifts to those in need. Ask around your community for organizations that are providing gifts for others.
Take some homemade food and crafts to a local rest home or senior citizen center. Sing songs and greet people. Tell them Merry Christmas. Before you go and when you're finished, talk to your kids about the people you are visiting. Sometimes caring for people can be a challenge and a blessing. Discussions help children understand it all in practical terms.
Make sure that children understand that Christmas is a time when we can share the love of Jesus with others. After all, that's what God did for us.
What have you done with your kids to emphasize the giving this Christmas season?
Sunday, December 4, 2011
The Real Meaning of Christmas
With so much advertising and emphasis on presents, programs, and parties, take some time to teach your children about the real meaning of Christmas. It's so easy to get distracted by the celebration that one discussion or Christmas program isn't enough to help your children catch the meaning and significance of what Christmas is really all about. Here are some suggestions.
Have a daily or weekly reminder of the Christmas story. Use an advent calendar or read through the Christmas story in the next few weeks.
Tell children what the first Christmas was really like. Did you know that a manger is a cow's eating dish? How far is it from Nazareth to Bethlehem anyway? That would be like walking all the way from our home to _____. What was an Inn like? What were the shepherds doing out with the sheep at night? Did you know that the Bible doesn't say that there were three wise men? Maybe there were ten. Help children think about the story differently than they have before.
Write to a missionary family and find out how they are celebrating Christmas. Talk to your children about how cultures have different traditions but the real meaning of Christmas is the same.
And talk about God's gift of salvation. Why did God start Christmas in the first place? How does his gift change who we are? Keep in mind that this may be time that your child dedicates himself or herself to the Lord in a new and special way.
Christmas is a special time where memories are created that last a lifetime. Take some time to plan your Christmas season carefully to make sure the things you do and say have lasting value.
What have you done with your kids to emphasize the real meaning of Christmas.
Have a daily or weekly reminder of the Christmas story. Use an advent calendar or read through the Christmas story in the next few weeks.
Tell children what the first Christmas was really like. Did you know that a manger is a cow's eating dish? How far is it from Nazareth to Bethlehem anyway? That would be like walking all the way from our home to _____. What was an Inn like? What were the shepherds doing out with the sheep at night? Did you know that the Bible doesn't say that there were three wise men? Maybe there were ten. Help children think about the story differently than they have before.
Write to a missionary family and find out how they are celebrating Christmas. Talk to your children about how cultures have different traditions but the real meaning of Christmas is the same.
And talk about God's gift of salvation. Why did God start Christmas in the first place? How does his gift change who we are? Keep in mind that this may be time that your child dedicates himself or herself to the Lord in a new and special way.
Christmas is a special time where memories are created that last a lifetime. Take some time to plan your Christmas season carefully to make sure the things you do and say have lasting value.
What have you done with your kids to emphasize the real meaning of Christmas.
Thursday, December 1, 2011
Sad Instead of Mad
Often parents have a poor repertoire of discipline techniques so they do what comes naturally—they use anger as a consequence. Anger becomes the punishment that children learn to fear and the result is distance in relationships. Parents want to express disapproval for misbehavior and anger becomes the vehicle for showing it.
Imagine this scenario: You're making dinner and your six-year-old daughter, Amy, comes into the room complaining that she’s hungry. You tell her that you're making dinner and that she needs to wait. She persists and complains that she hasn't eaten all day. You remind her that she had a snack a few hours ago and then encourage her to leave the room. Instead of leaving, she begins to whine, "I’m starving." Finally you sigh and offer her a banana or an apple. "I don’t like bananas! I don’t want an apple!" Okay, you give in. You offer her some milk and a cookie. Amy is so excited she jumps up…and knocks over the milk! You’ve had it! That was the last straw. Now you're really angry and yell, "What's the matter with you? Now look what you've done!!"
Think a minute. What caused you to lose control? Was it the spilled milk, or was it the fifteen minutes of whining and complaining? If we wait until we become angry to discipline, then we end up responding like a time bomb. Our children can never be sure when we’ll explode.
In this situation, Mom needed to take action earlier. "Amy, it makes me sad that you keep asking after I said No. You need to go play in your room until I call you for dinner."
In honor-based parenting, anger and its accompanying distance are not appropriate consequences. Instead, parents learn to reflect sorrow. Some parents may feel like hypocrites because they don't feel sad, they feel mad. But it doesn't take long for a parent to recognize that the sorrow is there. It's just masked by the anger. If you peel away the anger you will genuinely feel sad that your child is acting out or choosing to disobey. You see that the misbehavior will lead to an unhappy and unsuccessful life. Reflecting sadness is much more beneficial to the child and to the relationship.
Try it; you may be surprised. Children often open up in response to sadness and you may end up with a productive conversation. Sadness opens relationships; anger shuts them down. It may take some practice, and self-control, but your relationships with your kids will benefit in the end.
This idea is honor-based parenting skill #2 from Chapter 6 in the book, Say Goodbye to Whining, Complaining, and Bad Attitudes, In You and Your Kids by Dr. Scott Turansky and Joanne Miller, RN, BSN.
What are some ways you've been able to reflect sorrow to connect with your child's heart?
Imagine this scenario: You're making dinner and your six-year-old daughter, Amy, comes into the room complaining that she’s hungry. You tell her that you're making dinner and that she needs to wait. She persists and complains that she hasn't eaten all day. You remind her that she had a snack a few hours ago and then encourage her to leave the room. Instead of leaving, she begins to whine, "I’m starving." Finally you sigh and offer her a banana or an apple. "I don’t like bananas! I don’t want an apple!" Okay, you give in. You offer her some milk and a cookie. Amy is so excited she jumps up…and knocks over the milk! You’ve had it! That was the last straw. Now you're really angry and yell, "What's the matter with you? Now look what you've done!!"
Think a minute. What caused you to lose control? Was it the spilled milk, or was it the fifteen minutes of whining and complaining? If we wait until we become angry to discipline, then we end up responding like a time bomb. Our children can never be sure when we’ll explode.
In this situation, Mom needed to take action earlier. "Amy, it makes me sad that you keep asking after I said No. You need to go play in your room until I call you for dinner."
In honor-based parenting, anger and its accompanying distance are not appropriate consequences. Instead, parents learn to reflect sorrow. Some parents may feel like hypocrites because they don't feel sad, they feel mad. But it doesn't take long for a parent to recognize that the sorrow is there. It's just masked by the anger. If you peel away the anger you will genuinely feel sad that your child is acting out or choosing to disobey. You see that the misbehavior will lead to an unhappy and unsuccessful life. Reflecting sadness is much more beneficial to the child and to the relationship.
Try it; you may be surprised. Children often open up in response to sadness and you may end up with a productive conversation. Sadness opens relationships; anger shuts them down. It may take some practice, and self-control, but your relationships with your kids will benefit in the end.
This idea is honor-based parenting skill #2 from Chapter 6 in the book, Say Goodbye to Whining, Complaining, and Bad Attitudes, In You and Your Kids by Dr. Scott Turansky and Joanne Miller, RN, BSN.
What are some ways you've been able to reflect sorrow to connect with your child's heart?
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