Non-Confrontive Discipline. Now that’s a novel approach.

I, Scott, had a conversation with a dad on Sunday. He said that his 16-year-old son violated the “don’t eat in your room” rule that’s clearly established in their home. This happened several months ago resulting in a crisis where Dad took the cell phone for a month. It hadn’t happened again for several months but now Dad finds three coke cans and an ice tea bottle in the room. He was wondering if he should toe the line and take the phone away for 5 days, one day for each offense or if there is a different way to handle it.

I suggested that he try a different response, remembering that the goal is a changed heart. I suggested that instead of using consequences he ask his son to come into the kitchen, sit at the table, and have a meeting. He would tell his son what he saw in his bedroom and say something like “Can you correct this yourself or do we need to go to the next step?”

Dad liked the different approach since he more typically would come down with some kind of consequence. He reported to me afterwards that the approach not only worked but it opened up some significant dialogue. His son shared with him some deeper concerns that he was struggling with about school and his future.

For those who tend to use confrontational correction, a non-confrontive approach may be just what’s needed to reach the heart. For more ideas about reaching the heart of your child, visit biblicalparenting.org

What are some creative ways you’ve been able to touch your child’s heart during correction?

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Milan Tomic

Hi. I’m Designer of Blog Magic. I’m CEO/Founder of ThemeXpose. I’m Creative Art Director, Web Designer, UI/UX Designer, Interaction Designer, Industrial Designer, Web Developer, Business Enthusiast, StartUp Enthusiast, Speaker, Writer and Photographer. Inspired to make things looks better.

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2 comments:

  1. This is my husbands approach. He tends to be at work all day and has the patience to sit down and deal non-confrontational. I am always in the line of fire and call things as I see them. I don't see how it's possible? Maybe carry a notepad around and make notes of all the "wrongs" and then have a family meeting?

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  2. I definitely wouldn't carry around a list of wrongs. We have a number of nonconfrontive strategies. Some involve meetings. That's a good approach but if you see a problem during the day you might just mention it in passing and see if the child can self adjust. Don't get me wrong. I think confrontation is a great approach to correction and would recommend it regularly. In the above situation though the Dad seemed to be overusing it so his change-up approach resulted in some deeper results. --Scott

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