Sorrow Instead of Anger

The goal of discipline is to help children change their hearts as well as their behavior. When misbehavior requires discipline, one of the ways to touch a child's heart is to respond with sorrow instead of anger.

Anger can be a type of revenge, to get back at someone for an offense committed. Anger builds walls between people. Sadness or sorrow, on the other hand, opens doors in relationships. It touches the heart of a person. When a child sees disappointment in a parent’s eyes, it's often a powerful motivation for the child to want to change.

"But I'm not sad, I'm mad!" you may be saying. Just stop for a moment and look past your anger. If you think about it you really are sad because of what this negative pattern will do to your child if not addressed. You can see future consequences and know where this course of action is heading. Sadness is there. It's just covered up by your anger.

Ephesians 4:30 says, "Do not grieve the Holy Spirit." God expresses sorrow when we sin. The same thing can be true in family life. Let your child see your disappointment and why it hurts you. That alone is a powerful motivation for children to change their hearts. “I’m really sad that you’re acting so selfishly.”

Be careful you don't lay a guilt trip on your kids by faking it, but sincere sorrow touches the heart so don't be afraid to show it. Your genuine concern for your children will go a long way to foster a closeness with them.

What are some ways you've been able to reflect genuine sorrow instead of anger?
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Milan Tomic

Hi. I’m Designer of Blog Magic. I’m CEO/Founder of ThemeXpose. I’m Creative Art Director, Web Designer, UI/UX Designer, Interaction Designer, Industrial Designer, Web Developer, Business Enthusiast, StartUp Enthusiast, Speaker, Writer and Photographer. Inspired to make things looks better.

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4 comments:

  1. i love this! thanks for the great tip!

    ReplyDelete
  2. When my six year old doesn't complete a task because she started to play while working, I say to her, "Oh, this is so sad," and then I remind her of the privilege she didn't earn because of her lack of follow through. This works so well for her because it shows her that the choice was hers. Sorrow is the arrow straight to her heart and anger is the path to more resistance from her. Thanks for the reminder!

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  3. One of my girls in the residential facility ran away, got into a stranger's car, and was driven back.

    I talked to her and said I don't want anything bad to happen to her, explaining to her that she could have been hurt or worse. I was sincerely concerned for her. I pray that she really took it to heart and not run again.

    ReplyDelete
  4. We talk about how an action impacts us--what we feel when lied to or when we see siblings hurt one another. Without trying to make a big guilt trip or shaming, we share how their actions impact us emotionally. Very powerful.

    A verse that has helped my husband and me is "man's anger does not bring about the righteous life God desires." James 1:5. While this verse most often applies to our own lives, knowing that giving into anger does not lead to righteousness, it also applies to our parenting. Our anger will not lead our children to be righteous--we need something else. I think you have offered an insight into one of the something elses. Thanks!

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