Stop Anger When it Starts

The child who is getting frustrated with a puzzle or struggling with a friend needs to learn how to deal with the building energy inside before exploding. We encourage children and parents to learn to stop. The size of the “stop” depends on the intensity of the anger. Sometimes the stop means engaging in another activity or leaving the situation. Other times it just means pausing for a moment and taking a deep breath. The child needs to recognize that frustration is present and anger is building.

Stopping is helpful whether the child is just becoming frustrated, or is already quite angry. This step is especially important for the child who is enraged. Rage is anger that controls you no matter how well you conceal it. The primary way to tell that children are enraged is that they can no longer think rationally and their anger is now controlling them. They have lost control.

The solution to rage is always to stop. When a child is enraged you might say, “You are too angry to talk about this right now. Spend some time alone. Come back when you can tell me in a calm voice why you're angry and we’ll continue to talk about it.” One sign that the child is ready to address the issue again is that he or she will be able to put anger into words and talk about the problem rationally.

Whatever you do, don't jump into the battle with your kids. When they are angry, children look for ways to draw you into a fight. Avoid it. It's not productive and often escalates the problem. Rather learn how to stop and teach your kids to do the same. By slowing down the process you'll see a greater ability to interact with your kids without the complications that anger brings.

What are some ways you've helped your child to stop when the emotion is building?
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Milan Tomic

Hi. I’m Designer of Blog Magic. I’m CEO/Founder of ThemeXpose. I’m Creative Art Director, Web Designer, UI/UX Designer, Interaction Designer, Industrial Designer, Web Developer, Business Enthusiast, StartUp Enthusiast, Speaker, Writer and Photographer. Inspired to make things looks better.

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5 comments:

  1. Where does sin come into the equation? Or does it? If the problem is sin, there is no human remedy. Didn't Jesus come to save us from our sin? Wouldn't it be great to be healed from our angry heart instead of managing it?

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  2. Learning to use the Stop technique for children in single parent families is crucial to family harmony. As many of you know children in single parent homes have more anger and even more rage. They have more to be angry about. While this might be true for your child, that is no excuse to allow your child to continually cause havoc in your home.

    What Joanne says about angry children looking for a way to draw you into a fight stands true in single parent homes. Sometimes the kids will even blame you for the divorce. They might use something the other parent has said to pull you into the argument. Don't be fooled. Stay out of the argument with the other parent. That scenario is between your child and their other parent. Calmly tell your child to take a break or go some place they can calm down.

    As single parents you have the perfect opportunity to model the stopping technique when you are dealing with the other parent. Your children will be observing your interactions with the other parent wether you realize it or not. So stop the fighting or the anger and in doing that you will be teaching your child how to do the same.

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  3. Lisa, interesting question. God often does heal supernaturally and instantaneously. Another way he heals is through the daily sanctification of allowing the Holy Spirit to do a work. That means entrusting our anger to the Lord on a very human level using the power of the Holy Spirit. God frees us from the penalty of sin through salvation. He frees us from the power of sin through the work of the Holy Spirit empowering us to live godly lives.

    Recognize though that anger itself isn't sinful. Mark 3:5 and Ephesians 5:26 are evidence of that. So managing an emotion in a godly way is important. Emotions are part of God's creation of the human heart. They need to be managed so as not to sin.

    Hope that helps a bit. --Scott Turansky

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  4. We are still in process on the anger issue, as both my girls have inherited my somewhat passionate way of dealing with life.

    A key for us was when I realised that most of my rage was triggered by nonsense and that it was actually misdirected anger. 2 chats with a counsellor was all it took to break the chains, and now I am dealing with normal anger in myself and normal bad habits.

    Interestingly enough, Lisa, in chatting to the Christian counsellor, sin was part of the discussion and prayer and repentance were too.

    By dealing with my major issues first, I'm now in a better position to help my children deal with the anger that they express. And I'm praying that I provide a better role model too!

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