What Cues Do You Give Your Children?

An Action Point is the point when you stop talking and start acting or the point when children know you mean business. How do they know? You give them cues and your children know what those cues are. If you are saying the same thing over and over again, how does your child know when the Action Point is near?

Think back on your own childhood. How did you know when your dad or mom meant business? Maybe they used your middle name or started moving toward the kitchen where that special utensil was kept. They might have gotten out of the chair or started moving toward you or given you that look.

For many parents, angry words or a harsh tone of voice become the cue children look for. Unfortunately, this harshness creates distance in the relationship. Look for ways to tighten your Action Point without anger.

Harshness isn't necessary but firmness is. Firmness with children is an important part of the teaching process. Some parents associate firmness with an authoritarian style of parenting. And it certainly can be. We're not suggesting that you become a sergeant with your kids. Even a relational parenting style often requires a point in which that child knows that the discussion is over and it's time for action.

You might say, "Karyn, please turn off the TV now." The child's name and the word "now" can become the cues that your Action Point is coming. Or you might preface what you're going to say with the words, "Karyn, this is an instruction."

Be careful of multiple warnings as they can weaken the instruction process. One warning may be helpful to make sure the child has understood the instruction but then the next step should be a firm follow through. If you tighten your Action Point you will get angry less often and your children will respond more quickly. Start by clarifying the cues.

What are some cues you give to your children to communicate to them you mean business?
SHARE

Milan Tomic

Hi. I’m Designer of Blog Magic. I’m CEO/Founder of ThemeXpose. I’m Creative Art Director, Web Designer, UI/UX Designer, Interaction Designer, Industrial Designer, Web Developer, Business Enthusiast, StartUp Enthusiast, Speaker, Writer and Photographer. Inspired to make things looks better.

  • Image
  • Image
  • Image
  • Image
  • Image
    Blogger Comment
    Facebook Comment

5 comments:

  1. I do my best not to raise my voice, and that can be a challenge. I really just am able to give my kids "a look" and they know I mean business.

    ReplyDelete
  2. HI Missy, That's great that your kids know when you mean it when you say obey. But you must have some other cues you give just when you give an instruction. Or do you use the word "obey" in the way you give an instruction? How do your kids know that your instruction to get into the car now is an instruction as opposed to an idea? --Scott

    ReplyDelete
  3. HI,
    When I am serious about something I want to communicate, I say "Look at me." This is my signal that I mean business and I want their full attention.
    Thank you for your blog and emails. After 6 children, I still learn things from you.

    Vicky

    ReplyDelete
  4. Thank you Vicky. With six kids I'll bet you have learned a lot yourself. Maybe we'll have to get you into some role of helping others with the National Center for Biblical Parenting. Thanks for logging on. --Scott

    ReplyDelete