"But My Anger is Justified"

Some view their anger as justified because they are right and others are wrong. They believe that being right is the only ticket required to launch into an adult temper tantrum. But saying "He made me angry" implies that external events require emotional intensity. The dad who links the trigger (what "made" him angry) and response (what he does with his anger) too closely ends up believing that others have made him the way he is.

When parents do this, they often blame their kids for problems and rarely take responsibility for their own emotions. In many cases, of course, the child is indeed wrong. It isn't helpful, though, to expect our children to bear the responsibility of our anger in addition to what they did wrong. The mom who says, "I wouldn't have to get angry if my kids would listen the first time," has fallen into the trap of blaming her children for her angry responses.

The truth of the matter is that it doesn't take much intelligence to see something wrong, but it takes wisdom to know how to respond to it. There's a big difference between a button that pops up on a turkey to announce that it's done and a cook who knows how to make a great dinner. Some people are like those little turkey buttons—whenever something goes wrong they pop up with angry reactions and they try to justify abusiveness because they see a problem.

It's not enough to be right in life; parents also need to be wise. Real wisdom knows how to respond in a way that brings change, not revenge. As parents, we don't just want to punish our kids for doing something wrong; we want to help them change their hearts. Anger may reveal what's wrong, but it's rarely a good solution to a problem. Once you identify an offense, it's best to consider how to motivate change.

Share some ideas with others about how you bring about change in your kids without anger.
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Milan Tomic

Hi. I’m Designer of Blog Magic. I’m CEO/Founder of ThemeXpose. I’m Creative Art Director, Web Designer, UI/UX Designer, Interaction Designer, Industrial Designer, Web Developer, Business Enthusiast, StartUp Enthusiast, Speaker, Writer and Photographer. Inspired to make things looks better.

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5 comments:

  1. I really love this whole idea. I'd actually just put something on my Facebook about this very thing ... taking responsibility for our own emotions and reactions. That other people can't make us feel anything.

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  2. I am struggling with angel in myself and with my 12 year old. The Lord has been gracious to provide a very helpful resource "The Heart of Anger" by Lou Priolo. I have found it very hopeful and encouraging and realise more and more that my anger is MY problem and MY sin! I have to repent and believe the Gospel!

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  3. My three year old has learned (from me!) how to respond to frustrating situations with anger. I've been convicted about it and learning to change my reactions to frustrations has been slow, but it is working. He has picked up on that too and is also changing his reactions, presumably from watching me! It is quite gratifying and I am so proud of him.

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  4. We received this comment on our web site:

    I really appreciated the anger tip and have been trying to apply that daily with my four children. Thank you!!! - Kim

    ReplyDelete