But I Have to Yell to Be Heard

Do you find yourself yelling sometimes just to be heard? Does the yelling frustrate you but you feel there’s no other way? We find that parents often yell when they don’t have a plan. Some parents don’t know how to fix a problem with their kids so they become louder, thinking that the intensity created through yelling will have some kind of positive effect. It doesn’t work.
Motivating with harshness can keep children in line or get them to accomplish a task, but that method damages family relationships.

In Jeremiah 10:24, Jeremiah prays, “Correct me, Lord, but only with justice—not in your anger, lest you reduce me to nothing.” In the end, it is closeness that provides parents with teachable moments and the relaxed enjoyment of family life. Yelling and harshness discourage trust, essential to help young people learn valuable principles about life.

You might be saying, “Wait a minute! My kids won’t obey unless I get angry.” If that’s true, then maybe you’ve trained your children to respond to your anger as a signal that it’s time to obey. Kids are smart. They know they can wait until the last minute before responding. They’ve figured out how many warnings you’ll give and they recognize the tone of voice that says you’re ready to deliver a consequence.

One solution is to teach children to respond to a different cue. If yelling is the sign that you mean business, then change the cue to a more constructive signal. If you teach your kids that you’ll back up your words sooner, without anger, then your dependency on anger to get things done will decrease.

Have you developed alternatives to anger to motivate children to cooperate or obey? Share what works for you.

Milan Tomic

Hi. I’m Designer of Blog Magic. I’m CEO/Founder of ThemeXpose. I’m Creative Art Director, Web Designer, UI/UX Designer, Interaction Designer, Industrial Designer, Web Developer, Business Enthusiast, StartUp Enthusiast, Speaker, Writer and Photographer. Inspired to make things looks better.

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  1. Great reminder for me this week! Your words remind me of the book "To Train Up A Child" which is a powerful read for parents who want to train their children to obey with a joyful heart.

  2. This comment was sent by email but is good for this blog:

    I have found that when I let my children or others I have authority over (students, etc.) know that I will tell or ask them only one time before they are in trouble and will suffer the consequences of their action or in-action. After that one time I will hold up one finger to remind them that I have already asked, told, requested, whatever, and do not plan on endlessly repeating myself. They do, however, have an option to request a repeat if they honestly did not hear or understand what I have said. This only goes for ONE time. I will not be the one getting upset or angry for their misbehaviour. They are the ones who will regret and be sad they did not comply. If anyone is going to be crying, it isn't going to be me! If someone thinks that I am very dictatorial, so be it. My children and my students are happier, better prepared and doing much better over-all as they know where they stand.
    Isaiah 40:31 Proverbs 15:1

  3. Today I just read this secular book called Fights and Bedtime Battles by Tim Jordan from the Library, and as a mother of 4 under 5, and after many books/methods, this helped me understand "how" to get free from the power struggle that occurs between parents/kids and how to stay emotionally detached from negative behaviors, to basically be the adult in the room, not ruled by emotions, but also suggests many preventative ideas to connect with kids on a wonderful level as well...basic concept is to make sure you're spending time loving your kids first, then with problems define clear boundaries for everyone in the struggling area, define consequences, and impliment those consistently without the emotional drama...my new idea..mornings, sleepy unresponsive kids..wake them up, tell them they have 15 min. to get dressed, brush teeth, wash hands and be at the table for breakfast, and if those things are not done, they'll miss breakfast...all 3 able kids were at the table completely ready with very little assistance...no nagging, repeating, yelling, or threatening,ect...as the Lord says...let our yes be yes and our no be no...it's basically Biblical principles without proper credit given to the proper Author, the glory goes to God for all wisdom He provides, and I praise Him for this new nugget that He helped me understand, I believe a peaceful home is possible, and on the near horizon, God answers the cries of His children quickly..I suggest pray before you do anything..seek Him first, the answers follow after that...