Tuesday, March 3, 2015

Persevering in Communication

No comments:
Another Parenting Tip from The National Center for Biblical Parenting…
Some parents lose their desire to communicate on a deeper level because their children reject their opinions, feelings, or initiative. That hurts. It may take a while for your children to see you’re trying to connect in significant ways. You may have to discipline a child for insensitivity or meanness, but continue to explain to your kids what you’re doing. Children often resist love when they need it the most.

To help you persevere in difficult relationships where you feel like you’re not making progress, consider Colossians 3:22–24 “Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for men, since you know that you will receive an inheritance from the Lord as a reward. It is the Lord Christ you are serving.”

When you try to go deeper in a relationship, you may not experience many rewards at first. Keep going, knowing you’re doing the right thing and pleasing the Lord. Look to him for approval instead of to the relationship for rewards. That provides inner strength to continue on even after you feel like quitting.

Communication in any relationship takes work. It’s nice when someone will listen to you and allow you to pour out your thoughts, hopes, and feelings. Listening is a servant task requiring concentrated effort and creativity to get around the barriers and mine fields that can come up. Do the hard work in this area, though, and you’ll see positive results.

For more ideas on developing building closeness and connecting with your child's heart, consider the bookParenting is Heart Work by Dr Scott Turansky and Joanne Miller, RN, BSN.

Tuesday, February 24, 2015

Building Closeness

No comments:
Another Parenting Tip from The National Center for Biblical Parenting…
Parents must maintain a balance as they work with their kids. Firmness, confrontation, and correction in a child’s life are tools that God uses to address heart issues. You won’t get very far, however, by simply telling your children the right thing to do. Remember that a child can only take as much pressure as the relationship can withstand. Those who apply force without relationship end up with angry and rebellious kids. Jesus was a great example of leaving behind the agenda to care for people and connect with their hearts. He rebuked Martha for her busyness and affirmed Mary for just sitting with him (Luke 10:38–42).

Many a tired parent asks, “Why do I want closeness with my child anyway?” Distance from children can even seem welcome sometimes. Some parents are frustrated with their role and eager for relief. One mom even believed distance was healthy said, “Aren’t teens supposed to hate their parents to prepare them for the upcoming separation and independence they need?”

This kind of attitude hinders a parent’s effectiveness. Teenagers may reject closeness with parents sometimes, but adolescence is when they need the relationship the most. New values, decisions, and difficult choices require wisdom that the teen doesn’t have yet. Young people need insight and guidance that parents can give them.

Emotionally connecting with your children isn’t just so you can all feel good. Connecting with your son or daughter emotionally softens hearts and prepares the way for much of the teaching that needs to take place, making it more effective and even enjoyable. Furthermore, it’s through relationship that values are passed. Relationship encourages kids to think twice about rebellion, and often encourages slowing down to listen and appreciate where Mom or Dad is coming from.

Building relationship can be tough, but look for opportunities to affirm and appreciate your child. Take time to listen and enjoy a child’s world and perspective, even if it’s very different from yours. Valuing your child for his or her uniqueness goes a long way toward connecting with your child’s heart and building a closer relationship.

Relationship will win in the end. It may take time, and some planning on your part, but don't let the busyness of life rob you and your child of developing a close relationship.

For more ideas on developing building closeness and connecting with your child's heart, consider the bookParenting is Heart Work by Dr Scott Turansky and Joanne Miller, RN, BSN.

Friday, February 20, 2015

Understanding Level 2 Thinking

No comments:
Another Parenting Tip from The National Center for Biblical Parenting…
The development of the conscience helps children live on two levels of thinking at the same time. Life isn’t only about playing with a toy, eating food, or taking care of oneself. When teaching responsibility, every activity has a second dimension. Children learn to watch the clock, monitor their own fairness, and think about how their current action affects others. We call that level two thinking. Unfortunately, some children just live on level one. They think only about the task at hand, and rely too heavily on parents to manage level two.

Parents are continually living with level two thinking and actually become the conscience for their kids. They tell children what time it is, make sure they have their homework in their backpacks, and are quick to point out meanness. But if you want your child to develop internal motivation then you might want to adjust your parenting. Instead of constantly telling your child to do the daily things of life, you might want to have your child rely on other cues, such as the clock, a to do list, or an alarm.

Once you’ve identified a cue, then the way you keep things moving in the mornings or during the day is different. You use words that focus on the cue, raising awareness in the child to pay attention to level two thinking. “Watch your time,” “Bring me your to do list,” “What’s next on your list?” These kinds of statements become common sayings and begin to develop the internal dialogue in your child’s heart. You have just started the process of adjusting your parenting to focus on building internal motivation in your child.

For more ideas on developing internal motivation in kids, and helping them choose to do what’s right for the right reason, consider our newest book Motivate Your Child, A Christian Parent’s Guide to Raising Kids Who Do What They Need to Do Without Being Told by Dr Scott Turansky and Joanne Miller, RN, BSN.

Friday, January 30, 2015

"Books Are Wonderful" and FUN!


Reflections from Ed Miller...

I love books! Sometimes I also love to read, but reading doesn't come easily to me most of the time. It's work. But the reason I love books is because I know their value. Last spring a father of 12 children shared with me that he reads at least one book on parenting every month. I was humbled and thought that was outstanding and wonderful. 

I want to share just 3 of the reasons why I love books. I wrote an article in 2013 about the phrase “Books Are Wonderful.” In my work with InterVarsity Christian Fellowship, (IV) I spent a great deal of time leading and directing student leadership training conferences in the New York/New Jersey Region. The phrase "leaders are readers" was used quite heavily. Reading has been part of the IV culture for as long as I can remember. Reading books is a great way to be “discipled” by Christians from all times and places. This is one of the main reasons why I love books.

I was in charge of the "book table" for a year or so in my IV Chapter at the University of Delaware. When I came on staff with IV I was often given the  assignment of setting up the "bookstore" at many of these events which included coordinating the "book plugs" at mealtimes. I even set up a permanent Christian Bookstore at the conference center that we owned called Hudson House. InterVarsity Press (IVP) always provided easy access to IVP books, but Byron Borger from the Hearts and Minds Bookstore was also eager to put together books on consignment for us from other publishers. 

I grew to love setting up the bookstore and giving “book plugs” at IV conferences. At some point during the 80's, I started using the phrase "Books Are Wonderful" as the intro to all my book plugs. To be honest, I don't even remember how that all got started, but it became a regular tradition for a number of years. 

Fellow Book Lover, Greg Jao, VP at InterVarsity, USA
My former colleague, supervisor and friend, Greg Jao, has served as the emcee for a number of the Triennial Urbana Missions Conventions. IV plans and runs these large conventions for college students from around the country and around the world. Greg is known for his clever whit and great book plugs. He also believes as I do that a good student leader is a good reader. Let me give a quick "shout out" to my friend Greg. He has just been appointed as a Vice President for InterVarsity, USA. Congratulations Greg!

Byron Borger in action.
I already mentioned Byron Borger, but let me share more in connection with the second reason why I love books. This poster to the right actually sums it up quite well. In Parenting Is Heart Work, Scott and Joanne describe the nine functions of the heart. One of these functions of the heart is to provide a "wrestling place." This is where our life experiences, learning, values, principles, issues and Biblical principles all get sorted out. We "wrestle" with these in our heart and that leads us learn and grow and to convictions and take action. Books help us along in this "wrestling" process. I am very grateful for Byron’s commitment to providing great books for those who are life-long learners. If you're ever in need of a book recommendation, just contact Byron. 

Now I spend much of my time telling people about books on parenting. I spoke with a parent this week who told me the story of how reading Parenting is Heart Work changed her family. Moving from a behavior modification approach to a heart-based approach was transformational. I love hearing stories like that. And that leads me to the third reason I love books. A good author knows how to tell a story. I love good stories. This is often different from kind of careful analysis and study that also comes from a good book. Stories teach important lessons, but they're also just fun. And I also love to have fun and I love to promote FUN!

In 2012, Nora and Fred St. Laurant launched Book Fun Magazine. It's growing like wildfire. The readership has grown beyond 400,000 and is composed primarily of people who are passionate about books as well as many other things. They are projecting a million readers by the end of 2015. Their success seems to be based on the the power of story. All of the articles in the magazine focus on life-changing stories. Authors share stories from their journey. Readers get to know another side of their favorite authors.   It's a unique approach and becoming very popular. 

You can get a free preview of the magazine at any time and the annual subscription is very reasonable. The January issue also features an article by Dr. Scott Turansky on page 100. Fifty Book Fun readers will be reading and reviewing Motivate Your Child next month to help us keep the momentum building.  Many of the Book Fun readers are parents and we expect them to be very interested in the resources we have to offer. Many of them actually attended our Facebook Party this week. 

Tell us what you love about books?  

Tuesday, January 27, 2015

Launch Day: A Tribute to John Turansky


Reflections from Ed Miller...

Today is "Launch Day" for 
Dr. Scott Turansky and Joanne Miller's new book, Motivate Your Child.  We're very excited about this new book, but this is not going to be the typical Launch Day Blog Post with a lot of hype and promotion. On the contrary, this post is a tribute to a man who embodied the tenants set forth in Motivate Your Child. I want to honor Pastor John Turansky for a life well lived. He cared deeply about the internal spiritual development of his children and grandchildren and everyone else around him. I'd like to share a few stories with you about this wonderful man and his family.

The Turansky Men - A Legacy of Faith
I've had the privilege of knowing the Turansky Family for more than 25 years. I was part of the team that called Scott to come with his family from Hawaii to New Jersey to serve with us on our pastoral staff. Our families have worked closely together ever since. I can't remember the first time that I met John and Shirley Turansky, but I do remember hearing John preach one Sunday when they visited us. He was very passionate about teaching the Scripture and very eager for followers of Christ to live out Biblical principles in every day life. John always ended his sermons with the words "So what?" and challenged us to apply what we heard to our hearts and lives.

John shared that same passion for teaching God's Word to his children. If you've ever heard Scott speak, you've heard him tell one of the many stories from "Family Times" with his father. He loves to tell about the time that Pastor John gathered the kids together in a closet with a flashlight and taught them about how Jesus is the Light of the World. Or maybe you heard the story about how John gathered them together when they were older to write a commentary on the Book of Proverbs. I remember John sharing about having the kids get pots and pans from the kitchen and march around singing a Scripture song while banging like crazy. (Shirley must have loved those times!)

John and Shirley Turansky
John was a man who was dedicated to passing the faith on to his children. He used creativity and passion to make it all come alive. Today, Scott shares about the importance of "Family Time" and discipleship at home at every live seminar. Before his health began to fail, John would often travel with us and lead a portion of a live seminar where he'd speak on the importance of the role of grandparents. He modeled this as well with his grandchildren through creative and energetic discussions and Scripture Memory. 

The Turansky Family will come together from all over the world next week to honor the life and legacy of John and Shirley Turansky. Our families are very close and we've been together recently for a number of family weddings. We're hoping that next week our  whole family will be able to fly from New Jersey to Los Angeles to join in this celebration of a life well lived. Most of the family members were able to say their farewells to John earlier this month while they were together. They're planning next week's event as a joyous celebration of family life and ministry. John will be greatly missed, but his legacy lives on.

Please leave a comment or note for the Turanskys.

Monday, January 26, 2015

Are You Ready for the Launch?

1 comment:

Reflections from Ed Miller...

Tomorrow is "Launch Day" for 
Dr. Scott Turansky and Joanne Miller's new book, Motivate Your Child.  There are a lot of great things planned for this week and I'll be posting every day this week. Subscribe now so you won't miss any of the fun. Have pre-ordered your copy yet? There's still time to get the $150 Bonus Parenting Pack. You have until the end of the week We're all very excited here. This is going to be an amazing week. Before I get too excited about what's coming up, let me share a couple of other items.

Pastor John Turansky, Scott's father, passed away this past weekend.  His health had been failing and he caught the flu last week so it wasn't looking good. Scott received a text once he got off the flight from Chattanooga Saturday night informing him of his father's passing. The Turansky Family was able to be together to celebrate John's life earlier this month and that was a tremendous blessing. John is definitely enjoying sweet fellowship now with His Lord and Savior, but there is still the feeling of loss for John's wife Shirley and the family. I know they would be grateful for your prayers. I'll share a longer tribute to Pastor John Turansky in tomorrow's post.

The Turansky Men - Hudson, Josh, John, Scott and Hayden
Scott, Joanne and Marie were at CPC East last week. We've been going to INCM's Children's Pastors Conference now for many years. This is the premier annual event for Children's Ministry pastors, volunteer leaders and teachers. These folks all love kids and they enjoy coming together to hear great speakers and learn from each other. There is also a huge Exhibit Hall where they can see the latest curriculum, resources and tools for ministering to kids. It's quite impressive. I'm sad that I wasn't able to attend this year. 

One of the reasons that we keep on going to this event is because of the growing trend among KidMin folks to focus on ministry to the whole family. The church has a pretty limited window of opportunity to impact kids. Kids spend the bulk of their time at home, at school or in their community. So, if you want to have a stung impact on kids, you have to support and strengthen families and equip parents. And of course, that's a big part of what we do. We offer resources that church leaders can use to strengthen families and equip parents. Motivate Your Child is just the newest resource available for this purpose.

Scott, Marie and Joanne at CPC East
Does your church seek to strengthen families and equip parents? Does your church know about the tools and resources offered by the National Center for Biblical Parenting? If not, why don't you share this with your church leadership. We offer a FREE FAMILY MINISTRY CONSULTATION for any church leaders in person or over the phone. 

Get a FREE eBook and Take the Family Challenge
We also offer free email parenting tips and lots of free resources for churches to use as they seek to strengthen families and equip parents. For instance, we have a couple of great resources that build vision and provide practical tools for developing an exciting "Family Time" at home. Christian Discipleship is as much "caught" as it is "taught." Young people learn how to follow Jesus as they observe and interact with other who are struggling to live out their faith in the real world. Check out 2 exciting videos that are available at no cost on our website.  

Actually, I think that's enough for this post. I'm going to write about the launch every day this week. In closing, let me remind you to join us for the Facebook Release Party on Thursday evening. Scott will be answering your parenting questions and we'll be giving away a lot of wonderful prizes including a full year of FREE HOUSEKEEPING valued at $1500. You can RSVP right now and then you'll get a reminder. The Party actually takes place on our NCBP Facebook Page. 

Click Here to RSVP


Have You Entered the Launch Giveaway? 

motivate your child giveaway

To enter, use the Rafflecopter below. 

Terms and Conditions: This giveaway is open to U.S. residents only.  Void where prohibited by law. Must be at least 18 years of age. This giveaway is in no away associated with Twitter, Facebook, Instagram, Pinterest, or Amazon. No purchase necessary for entry. Odds are determined by the number of entries. Selected winner will have 48 hours to respond to email notification to claim their prize or another winner will be drawn. 

Wednesday, January 21, 2015

How Do You Engage Your Kids Spiritually?

1 comment:

Reflections on How to Motivate Your Child - The Story of Mark

      - by Dr. Scott Turansky

This article is the second in the "Discussion Wednesdays" Series dealing with ways you can implement the teaching presented in the book Motivate Your Child.

Mark was twelve years old when his parents realized that he was pulling away from spiritual things. He didn’t want to pray at dinner, seemed to merely endure church, and was more interested in his electronics and friends than spiritual things. Dad and Mom saw a tendency in their son and they wanted to do something about it now before Mark became one of those statistics of kids who leave the church after they graduate from high school. Here’s what they did, and it worked!

Scott, Marie and Joanne at the CPC East Conference
Dad and Mom determined to add an exciting devotional experience for Mark and his two younger sisters. They called it Family Time. Once a week, Dad and Mom would prepare one activity that illustrated a biblical truth. One week Dad told the kids to get their running shoes on for devotions. That puzzled them all and they came to the Family Time with a sense of anticipation. Dad read them the parable of the man who found the treasure in the field and sold all he had to buy that field so that he could own the treasure. Then Dad told them that he had created a number of clues in the back yard with a treasure at the end. He handed the first clue to Mark that said, “Look under the trash can.” Mark ran with his sisters out to the backyard and started the hunt. After about eight clues he ended up finding a plastic container filled with their favorite cookies that Mom had made. Then they talked about why the truths of God are worth so much.

The next week they talked about withstanding the fiery darts of the devil with the shield of faith as described in Ephesians 6:16. They took rolled up socks and threw them at each other and used a pillow as a shield to ward them off. Then they talked about temptations that might harm each of them.

Another time Mom read 1 Thessalonians 5:11, “Build one another up.” The activity that day was to build a human pyramid and then talk about ways that we tear down and build each other up in our family.

The kids were excited for devotions each week. Dad and Mom continued their mission to engage the children spiritually and help them develop a living and active faith. Every couple of days they asked the question, “How did you see God work today?” At first, the children didn’t know what to say, but Dad and Mom gave them ideas including ones they could relate to. Mom told about the beautiful sunset she enjoyed and Dad told about an answer to prayer about a difficult meeting at work. They prayed more specifically as a family, asking God to show them each how they could fit into his plan.

Dad and Mom were surprised when Mark came home from school and said, “When are you going to ask us the question?”

“What question?”

“The one about seeing God work?”

Learn More Now

Mark had a story to tell and as he shared it at dinner, his parents smiled because they were seeing their son become spiritually engaged.

Dad and Mom also told the pastor at church that they, as a family, would help with greeting every other week. Mark began to see church as a place to give and serve, not just as a place to meet friends or learn.

Mark is growing spiritually because his parents are looking for practical ways to engage him with what God wants to do in him personally. God wants to work in the lives of children. Parents can be the facilitators of that growth. What might God have you do in the next few months to excite your children about the Lord?

Dr. Scott Turansky is a co-founder of the National Center for Biblical Parenting. He and Joanne Miller, RN, BSN have written 13 books on parenting, trained over 120 presenters to teach live parenting seminars, and they themselves teach around the country most every week.

Let's start a discussion today in the comments section - 

How Do You Engage Your Kids Spiritually?


Have you entered the Launch Giveaway? 

motivate your child giveaway

To enter, use the Rafflecopter below. 

Terms and Conditions: This giveaway is open to U.S. residents only.  Void where prohibited by law. Must be at least 18 years of age. This giveaway is in no away associated with Twitter, Facebook, Instagram, Pinterest, or Amazon. No purchase necessary for entry. Odds are determined by the number of entries. Selected winner will have 48 hours to respond to email notification to claim their prize or another winner will be drawn.