Friday, July 25, 2014

Not Just Behavior Change

Another Parenting Tip from The National Center for Biblical Parenting…
Joey's preschool teacher told him to sit down. He said, "No." The teacher, not wanting to be outdone, leaned over Joey and said sternly, "You sit down!" Joey sat down, looked up at the teacher, and replied, "I'm sitting on the outside, but I'm standing on the inside."

Too many children are like Joey, changing their behavior in response to discipline but continuing to disobey in their hearts. As parents we must look for ways to help children make lasting changes, not simply adjust their behavior to get by. How do we do it?

First, we must pray. God is the one who ultimately changes hearts. We can force behavior change but we can't force a change of heart. Secondly, we want to talk about character and genuine heart change with our children to show them that we too are more interested in what's going on inside. Then we look for strategic ways to make progress.
It may be reflecting sorrow instead of anger in the correction process or requiring that a child sit for a while to think about an offense before returning. We may choose a consequence that helps a child realize that the present problem is a serious one and that we aren't going to allow it to go unchecked.

Whatever you do, talk about the heart and the importance of changing on a deeper level. You will help your children make significant changes. After all we don't want to be content with looking good on the outside. It's the internal change that is most important.
This parenting tip comes from the book, "Say Goodbye to Whining, Complaining, and Bad Attitudes, In You and Your Kids" by Dr Scott Turansky and Joanne Miller. We call it The Honor Book.

Wednesday, July 23, 2014

The Most Important Gift You Can Give To Your Child

Biblical Parenting Podcast 5: The Most Important Gift You Can Give To Your Child

The most important gift you give your child is moral strength and spiritual health. When it comes to morality, kids have a conscience. God put it there for a very important reason. It helps build internal motivation and keep the heart going in the right direction.  The Bible indicates four promptings of the conscience and in this session you'll learn what they are and how you can put them to use in your child training. Hear more at

Some Kids Drain Energy Out of Family Life

Another Parenting Tip from The National Center for Biblical Parenting…
Some children have the ability to suck the energy right out of family life. These children are demanding of your time, need a lot of correction, and seem to be magnets for conflict. They are often emotionally explosive but almost always drain the energy out of parents and other family members. Unfortunately then, these children develop a negative view of themselves based on the high amount of negative feedback they receive.

One solution is to teach them to add energy back into family life. We use the term "honor" to describe the process of thinking of others above yourself. If Jack seems to get people riled up each afternoon before dinner, set an appointment with him at 4:00 pm for several days in a row and ask him to look for three things he can do to add to family life. He may decorate the dinner table, encourage his brother, or prepare something nice for Dad's arrival home.

If Jack continually antagonizes his sister, tell him that he needs to think of three nice things to do for her before he can go on with family life. Don’t tell him exactly what he needs to do. If you decide what Jack needs to do and tell him to do it, that's obedience. When Jack chooses, that's honor. Honor treats people as special and does more than what's expected. Jack needs to learn how to add energy to family life instead of taking it away. Challenging children in this way helps them to think differently.

Teens need to learn honor because it will make them more effective in life. Hidden within honor are the secret ingredients that make people more successful in relationships. Teaching honor is worth the work, because honor changes people.

This idea comes from the 13-week children's program called,The Kids Honor Club, by Dr. Scott Turansky and Joanne Miller. It contains Bible stories, activities, crafts, and games to raise the awareness level of honor in your family. Just watch what happens to your kids as they learn to develop honor in their lives in fun ways. This material is great for a church children's program or even for an individual family.
The concept of Honor is taught in the book, "Say Goodbye to Whining, Complaining, and Bad Attitudes, In You and Your Kids" by Dr Scott Turansky and Joanne Miller. We call it The Honor Book.

Thursday, July 17, 2014

Use Generosity to Teach Honor

Another Parenting Tip from The National Center for Biblical Parenting…
Honor means treating people as special, doing more than what's expected, and having a good attitude. We work hard to develop honor in family life and are continually looking for new ways to teach it.

One helpful way to teach honor is to be generous as a family. Generosity opens our hearts as well as the hearts of the people who receive from us. Giving doesn't just focus on money. In fact, money is one of the easier things to give. A harder gift is that of time, attention, loyalty, or commitment to others.

Giving can be exciting. Planning the surprise, delivering it, watching the person's response, and enjoying the personal satisfaction of giving all add joy to family life. When a family works together to be generous, something happens in the members who participate. They feel a sense of teamwork. They enjoy the satisfaction of giving, not just individually, but the good sense of family pride.

Giving is fun and doing it in secret can make it even more exciting. Be on the lookout for honor opportunities for your family. Sometimes families will plan an anonymous gift. Hannah, age thirteen, reported that she overheard Mrs. Robertson talk about losing all her encyclopedias when her basement flooded. Knowing that the Robertson family didn't have a lot of money, Hannah's family decided to replace them. They went to several libraries asking for a used set. They paid a small price for a set that was newer than the one Mrs. Robertson had lost. They decided to give the set anonymously, which meant more planning and careful strategy.

Seeing a need and meeting it through an anonymous gift became a meaningful experience for Hannah's family. In fact, Hannah herself saw that her own observation contributed to the family's decision.

This parenting tip is taken from the book, "Say Goodbye to Whining, Complaining, and Bad Attitudes, In You and Your Kids" by Dr Scott Turansky and Joanne Miller. We call it The Honor Book.

Wednesday, July 16, 2014

Tightening Your Action Point

Biblical Parenting Podcast 4: Tightening Your Action Point

Do you ever wonder why some adults seem to be able to get your child to do things faster and easier than others without raising their voice? You'll find the answer in this week's session of the Biblical Parenting Podcast. This idea of an action point can make the relationship with your child much stronger and still get things done. You'll be amazed at the difference. Hear more at the Biblical Parenting Podcast

Wednesday, July 9, 2014

Getting Kids to Listen without Yelling

Another Parenting Tip from The National Center for Biblical Parenting…
When we teach parents to avoid responding to their children in anger we get a common reaction: "But my kids won't obey unless I get angry."

And you're probably right, but only because you've taught your children to wait until you're angry before they have to obey. You give your kids cues to know when you mean business. Those cues tell your child that it's time to respond because your action point is coming next.

There is a definite connection between action point and anger. Many parents use the energy from anger to finally take action. When parents learn to tighten up their action point, then they don't have to use anger as the motivator. In fact, anger can often be a flag that your action point isn't tight enough.

If you find that you're relying on anger to motivate your children, then it's time to make a change. First, though, you need to develop a new plan. What signals do you want to use to indicate that it's time to clean up, or it's time to go? Maybe you'll use the child's name, obtain eye contact, and use the word "now" in the instruction.

When you're ready to make the change, talk with your children. Explain that you have been wrong in teaching them to wait until you get angry before they start obeying. From now on you are going to tell them once, then comes the action. If your child doesn't respond to the new cues then move right to your follow through.

    You may use a warning at first as your children are learning to respond to new cues. This helps them see that you mean business, but don't add several warnings or you defeat the purpose. Develop a routine with your kids so that they know when discussion or delays are over and obedience is required.

    We don't encourage parents to always demand obedience. Children also learn from negotiation, compromise, and cooperation, but there is a time for children to respond whether they like it or not. Your kids need to know when that is and clarifying your action point will help them learn it.

This parenting tip comes from Chapter 1 in the book Home Improvement, the Parenting Book You Can Read to Your Kidsby Dr Scott Turansky and Joanne Miller, RN, BSN.

Power of Your Words

Biblical Parenting Podcast 3: Power of Your Words

It's amazing how much an impact the words of parents make on the lives of children. Since parents do a lot of talking as they give instructions, correct, or redirect their kids, it's important to be strategic about the words used. In this practical session, you'll learn specific ways that you can use your words to make a significant impact on your child's heart. Two parenting questions are also asked with heart-based solutions suggested.
Hear more at the Biblical Parenting Podcast